Working Through the Rage

"There's no reason for you to feel that way."
"Get over it."
"Why? It's no big deal."

These are responses to declarative emotional statements. You can probably guess the emotions they are in response to. If not, let me help:

"I'm depressed." - "There's no reason for you to feel that way."
"I'm angry." - "Get over it."
"I'm hurt by your actions." - "Why? It's no big deal."

Seemingly normal conversation. Right? These are common responses to negative emotions every day. But we dismiss them, we belittle them. We have no "reason" to feel angry, depressed, or hurt, so we deflect when people make these statements. We roll our eyes, lamenting that someone is over reacting, telling them there are other things to worry about that are bigger, more important, more urgent.

Translation: You're problems are insignificant. You are being selfish. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Imagine if you heard these responses to positive statements. Imagine being the person sharing your vulnerability with another person, then being invalidated.

"I am happy." - "There's no reason for you to feel that way."
"I love you." - "Get over it."
"I am thankful for you." - "Why? It's no big deal."

I posted a blog recently that aired a few of my online grievances in a snarky and somewhat tongue-in-cheek manner. These are things that agitate me the same way whiny children annoy their parents, siblings in the back seats of cars on long road trips poke at each other, spouses who have had too much time off together get on each others last good nerve. I shared these feelings because they are such small annoyances that I don't normally notice them, or I can at least over look them, but when a perfect storm of emotional discomfort, anxiety, depression, and frustration swirl into a hurricane of angst. Sometimes you just have to vent.

I don't like doing it, but sometimes I feel like if I don't I will explode. It's just how I work. I'm a firm believer that if you're angry at something, BE angry at it. If you're frustrated, BE frustrated. If you have to tell the world about it. TELL THE WORLD ABOUT IT. I've spent too long now just trying to tell myself I shouldn't feel negative emotions. I was over reacting, I was being unreasonable, disagreeable, and BITCHY.  I should be accepting of other people's choices and what they want to do, and how they want to live, and so what if all of their bullshit encroaches on my personal borders. I should just get over it and be happy because that's what other people do.

I'm done. I'm done being the one that everyone spews their negativity on like I'm some sort of emotional doormat. I'm done being the one that just puts my feelings aside so that everyone else can feel comfortable. I'm done listening to people when they say there is no reason for me to be anxious, there's no reason for me to be depressed, there's no reason for me to dislike Christmas, pictures of feet, my birthday, or peas. There is a reason. The reason is that I JUST. DON'T. Just like you might not like brussel sprouts, pictures of my dogs, or Valentine's day. I'm not telling you you're wrong, I'm not belittling your preferences. I might try and understand why you feel that way, but I'm not going to tell you there's no reason not to like Valentine's day.

And honestly, I don't care if you constantly update getglue, foursquare, photos of your feet, or self taken photos of you in the bathroom with your best snooki face. I do care that one day I might remove you from my friends lists on my various social networks when I can no longer tolerate constant spam updates about who is at which bar and what they are watching because they are polluting the other friendships I am trying to cultivate in these same arenas. It doesn't mean we're not friends, just that I want my electronic interactions with you to be more than push updates from your online activities.

I want to hear your opinions, what you are thinking about, what you are doing. I don't want you to litter our friendship with the electronic equivalent of junk mail. I want to see photos of you doing stuff with your friends and your family. I want to see you enjoying life, not just photos of your feet or you in your bathroom mirror.

And I swear the next person that tells me that I shouldn't feel a certain way, or that the key to being happy is finding religion, I will vehemently pray every day, to every deity, that you stub your toe and bang your shin on every step and table you encounter. If that doesn't work I'll gladly intervene and step on your toe and kick you in the shin.